I's a piggy

I've never been slim as an adult. Hard to believe that I was born premature and had to be tube fed owing to the fact that I didn't have the ability to suck. Enough said on that and moving swiftly onwards.

Perhaps this rocky start is the reason behind my excess poundage? Maybe it was something said to me as a small child, being bullied as a teenager...I am kidding. I have absolutely no one, or nothing to blame for being overweight other than myself.

I think there are others who dwell to much on the causes of the problem rather than focusing on fixing the problem and moving on. Well I know my problem....I's a piggy.

I am a binge eater. Phew, load off having shared that. Well, really, it's not that big a surprise is it? You have to eat an extra 3500 calories in order to gain a pound. I am 80lbs overweight making it a grand total of 280 000 calories that I have over eaten to get this way. Let's face it that's going to consist of some amount of bingeing. 280 000 calories, holy cow or whole cow should I say, in fact probably whole herd of cows now I'm thinking about it.

I remember feeling very overweight around about the age of 15. A boy I had had a crush on for 3 years told me to "stop throwing my weight around" when I nudged his shoulder one day. Now, I'm sure that he didn't think I would still hark back to the memory some 16 years later but it is funny what stays with you. Looking back at pictures now I can see that I wasn't carrying anything more than a bit of "puppy fat" (God, how I hate that phrase), but at the time I couldn't see that. I remember deciding that if I was going to be fat I might as well enjoy it and that is when my love affair with fast food began. Something that I still battle with now, although living in the back of beyond in Co. Monaghan has it's benefits as there's not a McDonald's to be seen for about 30 miles! However, there is a herd of cattle in the back field....uh oh, I feel a binge coming on!

Why is it that some days are so much harder than others?

I had it all planned in my head. Today was going to be tightly marshalled with every bite entering my mouth accounted for and pointed before I even looked at it.

So why am I sitting here at 8pm having gone over my points one more time? I'll tell you why. It's those sneeky Chicago Town pizzas. I warn you now, you'll innocently pick one up out of the freezer at the supermarket thinking "this will be a nice treat for the boys" and before you know it it'll be cooked and you will have eaten it yourself. This is the truth. It should be printed on the box that these pizzas are not to be trusted.

Seriously though, I start into another week with miniscule points left after a weekend of truffing through the cupboards. To make matters worse I can't even say that I went out for a gorgeous meal or had a bender down the pub with my friends. Oh no, simply didn't pay enough attention to what I was putting into my mouth.

Oh well, nothing for it but to charge on ahead and hope for the best. Plenty of water for me this week...